How my emotions sometimes run ramped – so uncontrolled; so out of ordinary. Do others ever feel like this too?
When I meditate on the importance of people in my life, my whole body swells with emotion. I feel endless love emanating from all around me as if I’m the center of the sun. My light, which is my love, flows out from the center nucleus of who I am just as the energy spouts from the sun complete with its solar flares. I glow inside as the nuclear reactor fully engaged pumping out inconceivable amounts of raw energy. My heart pounds, my blood races, heat is generated flowing like the hot mantle of the earth’s core throughout my body.
Why do such feeling so overwhelm me at times like these? I cannot explain. They are not called upon purposefully, they just come. They emerge when events awaken this energy flow.
Such an event happened yesterday. The story is rather complex and for another time but the root is a reconnection with an old friend, long lost, and this time, was forgotten. How strange this unfolding was. But, when awakened, as I was yesterday, the reactor kicked into full gear and my heart flow has yet to subside. This is not a romantic journey, per say, but at its core it is romantic all the same. It is not something to be pursued but is something to relish in.
I will be affected for a long time to come by what transpired yesterday in my heart center. Words alone will never be able to express fully just how cosmic this is within me. Relationships are truly fundamental to my being, for all true relationships are rooted in love, agape love; and Love is truly who I AM. Over the years I have hurt many people, never intentionally but often selfishly. Older and wiser I see so much clearer to my faults of the past and because I have also discovered recently who I truly am as a person, there is greater empathy than ever was.
Mostly, I have loved on everyone I’ve ever encountered – knowingly or not. For as I traveled on this road of discovery, there was one central and clear aspect that showed up again and again: That I love and care about people to such a degree within that it overpowers me at times. If it is possible to truly feel God’s love, I feel I have: The love of humanity for another fellow being. Dramatic? Possible. True? An undoubted, Yes.
The sages will instruct the importance of remaining dissociated – to remain unaffected emotionally, to not attach to another’s soul. This may be true, and if it is, it is still one fault I am slow to relinquish. In my soul, this one selfish act still lives on – for I feel the heart of another when connected at the core.