You Are Where You Are Supposed To Be

“You are exactly where you are supposed to be.” The first time I heard that sitting in a classroom that was supposed to transform my life - well - to be honest, upset me. Actually, the words I said to myself was “F” you! That’s bullshit. You don’t know what I’ve been through! If I was where I wanted to be I wouldn’t be sitting here in your classroom!

But I’ve come to realize, the wisdom in that statement is beyond just casual thought. How does it strike you? Are you like I was and feel a bit offended - or do you find yourself agreeing?

What does this statement truly mean? It’s heavy. It’s profound. Understand, this has nothing to do with where you “wish” to be, or even “desire“ to be. This is about comprehending your “being” and a reflection of how you ended up where you are - regardless of your health, wealth, environment, parents, job, friends, family, etc...in fact it is because of all those and much more that has you where you are today.

This simple statement is deep but after breaking it down one is left with a new knowing, a new understanding of themselves from a new frame of realization of how they arrived exactly where they are. As I said, first time I heard this I was quite taken aback. I didn’t get it. In fact it took me a while to truly comprehend its full meaning.

We are where we are supposed to be because each of our actions, our decisions throughout our lives had us arrive here, where we are today. This is the first step in taking responsibility for everything that has happened in our lives - external and internal. And it is only by taking full responsibility that ownership can take place. And with ownership now comes the ability to alter an unwanted pattern and/or begin making different decisions.

Without doubt some things are truly outside our control - the true events that happen to us - and no greater than our health. Poor choices along the way can certainly affect our health, but what if you are born with a disease, or deformity, or otherwise “healthy.” Or how about our race, culture, our environment? The dynamics of how we are introduced to this world are so varied it would be impossible to cover them all.

However, the self-victimizing of “Why Me?” is the greatest pitfall we can ever allow ourselves to fall into. Do we just sit back and play the blame game? We could and many do. But what about you? You’ve made it this far so keep reading.

How we have allowed ourselves to develop the handling of unwanted circumstances is within our control, and once we take responsibility for them, we can redirect our future’s path.

From there we begin to see where we are today. The stage is set for a transformation to occur.

You see, you are exactly where you are supposed to be based upon your decisions of each little step along your individual journey in life. When you begin to dig into what had you decide as you did, each year, each month, each day, each hour, of your living years, you begin to dissect an inner truth that goes way beyond and way deeper than simply “the man in the mirror” (or woman).

What drove those decisions? What created those actions that you did take at each of those moments? How about at one of those critical turning points in your life that takes place about every 7 years? A major turning point in your life?

By the time you’re 50, you’ve had anywhere from 7-10 of these events. And at the time of such, you may not have seen it as a “critical” decision, or maybe you did, but when you look back upon it now the realization is crystal clear that had you made a different decision you’re life would have taken a completely different turn.

And listen up! This is not about making the right or wrong decisions. That’s your ego talking to you. This is about understanding you beneath your ego, your core essence, that which is just outside your “I Am.”

So the real question now becomes what drove those decisions? What had you act in the way you did? It’s your behaviors. If you begin to unearth this you begin to see your beliefs. It is your belief structure that drives your behaviors which drive your actions.

I argue in my book that this is where most psychology begins with someone seeking help to overcome they’re challenges. But is this the root? Is this the core of how we ended up where we are today? No. And if “No” then there must be something that drives our beliefs - right? Maybe you’re beginning to catch on?

The core of everything that has to do with how we ended up here lies within our value system - and not just our value system but our core value system. This is deeper than the conscious mind knows. These are values that drive everything we do in life. These are the drivers that has us choose, most often subconsciously, what we do. These are what truly control our lives.

Digging in, getting to know your true core values is not so simple. They are embedded deep within your mind and by the time you are say 7 years old, are mostly with you for the rest of your life. Can they change? Absolutely!

For instance, severe trauma, or a significant emotional event in your life can instantly re-wire your neurons with a new core value of higher priority than the previous. As a result, how you view the world is instantly changed. Take a moment to reflect right now and you will find how true this is.

Uncovering our true core values can be accomplished. I’ve had it done for me and I’ve done so for others. It’s an arduous process but imperative if you truly wish to understand how it is you have chosen as you have throughout your life. And once uncovered, and seen by the conscious mind for what is probably the very first time, if desired, a change can be made.

Accepting you are exactly where you are supposed to be, is the first step to a new realization that you do have control of your destiny! If you are happy with your life and excited each day, then your core value system is truly aligned with your “I Am.” But if you feel out of alignment, or that statement was more a kick in the pants and you felt a bit offended, then maybe it’s time to unscrew and unearth, begin discovering your authentic truth.

Intrigued to know more? I encourage you to get my book as I break all this down into concepts, stories, and experiences from my past and others. “Discovering Your Authentic Truth.” Discovering is an action word. Now is your time to take action and begin to understand who you are at a whole new level and create the life you dream of.

Attracting Your Soulmate

What is the secret to being found or finding your soulmate?

I was up early this morning when a Facebook post caught my attention. It asked, do we find or are we found by our soul mate? My immediate thought was we attract who we are so we better get that part right – first!

Your subconscious mind will unconsciously send you signals and provide you guidance when meeting someone new, your gut instincts. Even when the attraction piece is overwhelming, most often, people in a broken relationship will mention that there was something in their gut warning them but they ignored it.

Why is it so challenging to find the right, long term partner? I believe the answer lies in core values. In my book coming out in March, Discovering Your Authentic Truth, I devote two chapters to Relationships, the second being focused on intimate relationships.

Here is what I’ve discovered in my transformational work with others and my own experience gained from books, lectures, and people. We long to have a soulmate. One we can share our lives with. But many also reach a point in their lives where they are just done with the search. They’ve been battered and beaten one too many times or they are at a stage in their life where being comfortable alone, their own boss outweighs the danger of possibly letting that go.

I do believe we are meant to be loved and to love another on an intimate level. So why is this so darn difficult for so many? I believe the answer is in “Core Values.” Core values drive our behaviors, which drive our actions, and ultimately, drive our results.

Core values are as deep as you can go within your spirit and soul before coming to your I Am, your essential essence. Your I Am is love. Your core values are the result of your programming beginning upon birth. Core values include God, character, integrity, family, conscientiousness, discipline, authenticity, success, honesty, service, kindness, loyalty, fulfillment, forgiveness, honor, respect, and many, many more. 

As we age, this love core center of your I Am, begins to get cluttered with life, and for many, the longer they live, this clutter can all but bury their I Am to the point they’ve lost touch with it all together. This also makes understanding what your mind values most is masking your true core values.

There are techniques and ways for a guide to unearth what these true core values are in the context of intimate relationships. But, if you sat in meditative thought for long periods of time, you can unearth them yourself. And if you are one of these people searching for your soulmate, I strongly suggest you do.

You see, until you fully understand your core values around intimate relationships, you will not be in alignment with what you attract into your life. By first understanding what these core values are, you are that much closer to the love core that you are. At that level, your understanding of who you are is greater and in essence will help you fall in love with who you are. And if you don’t like what you find in this process of unearthing your core values, then it is your core values that may need adjusting.

Once you know who you are and what you value most in an intimate relationship, then you can meditate on the next step: determining what core values are most important to you in a partner. This is deeper than looks, money, or status. All that will come exactly as it is supposed to be once you realize both sets of core values.

From here, it is simply putting out the energy to the Universe in the form of questions and thought to attracting the man or woman of your dreams. He or she will possess the qualities you desire and, as a bonus, you will be sexually attracted as well.